my first time?

While standing on the wall
Feeling ten feet tall
all you maggots smoking fags on santa monica boulevard!

im so raping SOAD right now, its good, taht and Toucha-toucha-toucha-touch me, from the rockey horror picture show. David- i'll send you it, you'll love it.

Arg,where is my father? alone, again, sitting at the computer. I dont mind, ive come to love my time alone. there are so many thoughts and ideas runnigng through my head. So many of me people come to me for help, and im sorry guy's but i dont have all the answers. i cant help everyone, and waht pisses me off, is when some people come to me for help and demand all my attention, when theres people out there crying to me with much bigger problems. arg balls! im not saying i wont be tgere for everyone, im just saying i guess, cut me a little slack. im human too and theres only so much i can handle. Hmm, im cranky stupid people texting me at stupid hours of the morning. i dont mean what i just sadi. im rambling. wow. writing helps to organise thoughts. You know what would be cool? if we were all just mellow. if something doenst go ytour way, take it in your stride. my new years resolution was to be more passive, and victoria, have i becoime more so? I like to say i have. Like with ben, i see wheres he's coming from, and im not angry. im hurt, i mean you cant say something liek taht without causing pain, but soemtims youve got to love and leave people. and i was someone holding him back.

oh arg, ive got to go see mr orthodontsit tomorrow. im not looking forawrd to taht. arg, glasses and braces. im going to be so popular at hutt high arnt i?

omg, i just threw up in my mouth. yummy. We won our hockey game on friday against Hutt High, three -nil. Which means were looking good in the table. i think we stand 3rd equal, but that doesnt mean much as the actual round only just really started. we havent lost a game since th round robin.

You know wat i hate? I hate being someones "problem". i hate it, its one of the worst feelings in the world. all the insiginificnace, the hostilleniss (neologism) the mocking and the unwelcoming looks. Im reminded of soemthing i read on a freinds screen name a few months ago. "I will not be anyones winter; I will not be anyone's reason to cry" which i think is brilliant in many ways. some people dont get along and some people just dont connect teh way they used to. but who is anyone to say thats wrong? we've got to accept change and embrace it. it will not kill us, and if it does it is not the end.

What ever happened to ryan? I miss ryan.

millencolin - ray, great song. best lyrics (well next to no cigar) Merija, i dont know how much millencolin you know, but Fox, its really one fo their downfalls.

So shut your mouth now big boy
I'm just myself not your toy
I'ts in my nature to be changing
Now is it so hard to see?
You cannot make me to be
someone who never will be changing

I'm loosing youfor a big smile on my face
You're nothing new and not hard to replace
I'm loosing you, but I'm not losing ground
So Peekaboo! And you won't be around

[Chorus]

Cause I change with time and that's not a crime
Someone like you cannot derange me
Yeah, I change with time and that's not a crime
It's in my nature to be changing

tahst not all the words, but theyre the good bits. its so true. keep everything in your stride i say. whts teh quote ? vic, you know it. Ms penny lane says something like "if you never get serious/involved, you never get hurt" note to self= watch almost famous again.

ANyone know what i want to do? I want to go to grammar school. i want o wear pretty hats and stillettos, flowing skirts and lace. i want a guy to open the car door for me, and pick me a flower everytime he comes to visit. I want Amy Lee's hair in the my immortal video clip. I want green eyes. i want long nice nails. i want a guy to take me out to a nice dinner and drape his evening coat over my shoulders as we walk to his car. I want to be saved by lassie, and meet the cast of roswell. Fuck balls. ive forgotten to watch 7th heaven. I love taht show. its so stupid and adictive and so easy to wathc. haha ashley simpson.

wow, everyone is bored, im sorry, but i do feel a lot better about eveything. its good to talk without being interupted or having to think about who im offending.

oh arg, ben just signed in. im all bullshitting. he makes me sad. I miss him.